One of the biggest challenges for nurses who are not in a relationship is being alone. This is especially true for those who are newly-divorced or living far away from family.
After all, this season is a time to share love—many people end up feeling depressed when they do not have people to share that love with. If you are in this situation, what can you do to make the holidays joyous rather than depressing?
The key phrase here is 'share love'. Too often, people think in terms of getting love rather than giving and sharing their love. They don't realize that it is the act of giving their love that is so very fulfilling.
Sharing Love: Gail’s Story
One of my patients named Gail had grown up very lonely in an emotionally distant family. Her parents did not freely give their love and other relatives were also cold and distant. She ended up marrying an emotionally distant man and after 7 years of more loneliness, decided to leave him. This was her first holiday season alone.
Gail decided that she was not going to be alone and lonely again this holiday season. She did some research on service agencies that needed volunteers and discovered a women's shelter in her area for women and their children who were hiding from physically abusive husbands. The shelter was badly in need of funds for food, which Gail didn't have. What she did have was the time to help gather food.
Each day, after her job as a secretary, Gail went around to the markets in her area until she found some willing to donate dinners for the mothers and their children. On Thanksgiving Day, she spent her time at the shelter cooking, decorating, serving, and having Thanksgiving dinner with these brave women who had left their abusive husbands to save themselves and their children. It was the best Thanksgiving she ever had! By choosing to share her love with people who needed her, she felt filled with love.
Gail had such a fulfilling experience that she found a small part-time job in addition to her regular job so that she could afford to buy presents for the children at the shelter for Christmas. She had such fun buying presents for the children and watching their joyous little faces as they opened those on Christmas day! Gail felt anything but alone and lonely.
Finding Love at the Shelter
Another patient of mine named Gary was in a similar situation to Gail. He was single, had been an only child to parents who were no longer alive, and had no close relatives. His janitorial business did not give him much opportunity to make friends. Gary had spent many lonely holidays feeling isolated and depressed, so he decided a few years ago to do something about it.
Gary loved animals. As a child, his dog had been his main connection with love. After some research, Gary discovered that there was a wonderful animal shelter within a half-hour of his home—a shelter that loved and cared for animals and didn't euthanize them. He started to volunteer one day a week on the weekends—cleaning, feeding, playing with puppies and kittens, helping to interview people who wanted to adopt a pet, and getting to know the other volunteers.
He found that he really connected with the people who volunteered there. Many of them were loving people who were deeply devoted to caring for animals. As his friendships developed, he found he had a new sense of family centered around the shelter. Thanksgiving and Christmas were now sometimes spent with the other volunteers who did not have families, or sometimes with the families of other volunteers. Gary's life had become full and fulfilling. The last I heard, he was dating a woman who also volunteered at the animal shelter.
As these stories show, you can always share your love with others. Instead of feeling alone and lonely this holiday season, open your heart to giving and volunteering. While you may be a nurse who’s not in a relationship, there are many people and even animals out there who would welcome your love.
About the Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner BondingR healing process.
Click here to read more on Margaret Paul.
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