One of the best things about the search for nursing humor is that you never know when you’ll be richly rewarded – or by whom! I have to admit to being a die-hard Mark Twain fan (I was raised in his boyhood home—Hannibal, MO). So much so, in fact, that I’d thought I’d read just about everything he ever wrote. (And some things twice!)
But I was wrong. The blog, Letters of Note, shared this fantastically funny letter that Twain wrote after his house was broken into. It’s a missive the comedy genius wrote to the next people who were planning to steal from him:
To the next Burglar.
There is nothing but plated ware in this house, now and henceforth. You will find it in that brass thing in the dining-room over in the corner by the basket of kittens. If you want the basket, put the kittens in the brass thing. Do not make a noise — it disturbs the family. You will find rubbers in the front hall, by that thing which has the umbrellas in it, chiffonier, I think they call it, or pergola, or something like that.
Please close the door when you go away!
Very truly yours,
S.L. Clemens
Imagine if Twain was a nurse, confronted with the issue of sticky-fingered patients and visitors. That letter might look something like this:
To the next Patient and their Visitors:
All of the sheets, blankets, towels, disposable slippers, and sample size soap/shampoo combos available for this unit are already here. If you cannot find them, it means someone else beat you to it. Better luck next time. If you want the television that is mounted to the wall, please refrain from injuring yourself or anyone else in the process. This disruption upsets the nursing staff. Do not take incubators, cribs, and furniture from the nursery home with your baby: the C in C-section DOES NOT stand for complimentary!
Thank you in advance for those great scores on the Patient Satisfaction Survey!
Very Truly Yours,
The Nurses
What would YOU add to this letter? I can’t wait to read your answers: They’re sure to be amazing and amusing!
Yours in Laughter,
