Six Positive Parenting Tips: When Toddlers Won't Listen

By Kelly Nault-Matzen on Tue, Oct 23, 2012

parenting tips for nursesMothers know best and so they say. But mothers or parents need advice from time to time to support them in raising up their children. Hence, positive parenting tips are crucial in every child's development.

Parenting Question

“I'm spiraling out of control with my three-year-old daughter. She won't listen to me and I know that the 'naughty bench' isn’t working. I'm at a total loss and feel like such a failure. I don't want to hit her or use the kind of strong verbal yelling that my parents did. What do I do? I want her to understand that I'm the boss and when I ask her to do something or obey something, she should do it. My father was giving me parenting advice today and I feel so out of control. Is this normal child behavior for a three-year-old?”

From "Out-of-Control Mom"

Positive Parenting Tip from Kelly Nault:
Clinical Counselor Award Winning Author and Motivational Speaker

Dear Out-of-Control Mom,

Firstly, you are not a failure—just a mom who needs some new tools.

My guess is that you haven’t had many courses on how to deal with three-year-old behavior, so be gentle with yourself. 

Many parents ask me what’s “normal” when it comes to child behavior for a three-year-old. No matter what your child’s age, what it comes down to is this: how is your child’s behavior working for you, and how is it working for them. From your parenting question, I sense it just ain’t working—period! 

So let’s first look at what is going on for your daughter. Children at the pre-school stage are developing a whole host of new skills, including wanting more independence (for example, “No, I want to do it by myself!”); asserting their wants (“I want that!”); and learning about friendship (“Give that back!”).

One of the best things you can do when parenting a three-year-old is to support your child in attaining these new skills without allowing them to become demanding or spoiled. To ensure you don’t fall into unhealthy habits that promote power struggles, choose to use a firm—but kind—approach and look for ways that your child can learn from each situaparenting tips for nursestion. 

The more you can allow your three-year-old to do things on her own (and they won’t be perfect), the less likely she will be to fight you on everything. Look for household tasks that she can do at her age and find ways that she can help you out. Have her fill the dog bowl, hold the door open for you when you are bringing groceries into the house, set the table, etc. The busier you can keep her doing positive behaviors, the less chance she will move towards negative ones.

Be warned: even if you take this approach, your daughter is still going to test you. Below are six steps for dealing with three-year-olds when they simply won’t listen:

Let Go of Timeouts

Timeouts can work for some children (but there are far better techniques). Ultimately, the only person we can control is ourselves. If timeouts are not working (that is your child refuses to go to the “naughty bench”, stay on the “naughty bench”, or tells you they make their own rules and have moved the “naughty bench”), look for other ways to inspire them to want to be well-behaved (as suggested in the following five steps).

Fire Yourself as Boss of the Household!

Many parents buy into the belief that mom should be the boss of the household and be in control. Yet, we must remember that we are modeling for our children how to act every single minute of the day. Our kids learn more from what we do than from what we say. If they see us pulling rank as “boss”, they will attempt to be “boss” too. Unfortunately, when this happens, they may outrank us and the real power struggles will begin.

Provide Flexibility with Boundaries

Instead of boss, see yourself as your child’s coach or guide, responsible for providing them with experiences to learn from and allowing them to experience the consequences of their actions. Give clear guidelines, but also give them flexibility too. For example, “Your toys need to be cleaned up before we go to Grandma’s. Do you want to clean them up now, or in 5 minutes from now?” If they still don’t clean up, then you might not go to Grandma’s that day. Children need to know what the rules are and, more importantly, they need to know you will follow-through with the rules. Once you become consistent with your behavior, your children will learn to trust what you say and will improve their behavior accordingly. 

Stay Firm (but Kind)

If they fight, you follow-through. Do this without yelling, scolding or punishing. Don’t buy into their tears, and definitely don’t get into a debate. Stay firm, but stay kind. Tell them that when they want a hug, to come find you. I know keeping your cool is easier said than done. For more on this, check out the “Mom's Time Out” section (page 111-114) in the parenting book, When You’re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You.

Use Parenting Consequences That Relate to Their Behavior
parenting tips for nurses

Punishment teaches our kids to feel bad, but rarely teaches them how to "do good". If you are encountering the same misbehaviors over and over again, your child is clearly not learning from their mistakes. To facilitate learning, make certain any consequences used are directly related to the misbehavior. For example, when your child is rough with the computer, computer time is over; when your child is splashing water out of the tub, bath time is over; or when your child is goofing off with their food, dinner is over.  Again, do these quickly, but kindly.

Thank and Appreciate Your Child for What They Do

Children want to please and they want to know that their contributions make a difference. Remember to tell them so—and often. 

Learning how to motivate our children to want to be well-behaved takes time and practice. Yet, taking the time now to learn these parenting tools can save you years of heartache and frustration. Use positive parenting tips, keep reading, keep practicing, and keep empowering that three-year-old of yours: then watch your child's behavior change for the better!



23 COMMENTS

Tanya Williams 3 hours to go
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Karen Tanya 2 hours ago
How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

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Anita Batin 20 hours ago

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Anonymous 20 hours ago

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100007065067042_facebook 22 hours ago
My name is CARISIR WILLIAM, and I base in USA...My life is back!!!
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came across allot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some
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cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular
testimony,it was about a woman called Sonia,she testified about how he
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testimony she dropped Dr AIFEBO e-mail address. After reading all these,I
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Karen Tanya 2 days ago

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Danny Angela 2 days ago
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E CAN HELP ON THIS ITS, OR YOU CAN CALL HIM ON +2349030387805
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Paul Clara 3 days ago
I really never believed in Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster called Dr IDIALU vis (idialuspelltemple@gmail.com)
My name is PAUL CLARA from USA I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is so unbelievable until now. I had a problem with my Ex husband 2 year's ago, which lead to our break up. when he broke up with me, I was not my self again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine lucky told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too his name is Dr IDIALU . I email Dr IDIALU the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happening my husband gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me in just 2days and was so happy to have him back to me. We have two kids together and we are happy with ourselves. Thanks to Dr IDIALU for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address is (idialuspelltemple@gmail.com)
You are the best among all the spell caster online I hope you see my testimonies and also pray for my family too.

E CAN HELP ON THIS ITS, OR YOU CAN CALL HIM ON +2349030387805
(1) If you want your ex back.
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
(3) If you want to be promoted in your office.
(4) If you want women/men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child.
(6) If you want to be rich.
(7) If you want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
(8) If you need financial assistance.
(9) How you been scammed and you want to recover you lost money.
(10) if you want to stop your divorce.
(11) if you want to divorce your husband.

Williams Ronnie 3 days ago

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Rebecca Fred 4 days ago
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Anonymous 4 days ago
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Alice Stevens 5 days ago
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Lawis Nelly 5 days ago


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Anonymous 5 days ago
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Marjan Viki 2 weeks ago
My name is Marjan Viki, AM from Canada i was propose to be marriage by a love one, but he suddenly changed his mind just because he found himself a new love, my heart was broken and so i was devastated to the extend of committing suicide a friend of my introduce me to a powerful doctor called Dr. Okoro when i first head of him i never believed his powers until i visited DR. OKORO JUBILEE SPELL CAST TEMPLE of the great prophetic, a man of wisdom and understanding he helped me out after having some conservation with him, and my ex love who promise to marry me later came back to apologize to me, today we are happily married with two lovely kinds. All thanks go to Dr. Okoro the powerful spell caster, if you need any help from him contact him with this email Jubileespellcast@gmail.com or Jubileespellcast@yahoo.com

heathermathews 8 months ago
This article made me feel safe again, Excellent really good article. Gave me many more ideas to take in hand and different things to look up. Thank you !.

Anonymous 8 months ago
I didnt really find this helpful. A lot of the things in the article are things I(and most mothers) already know. I was expecting actual techniques....

Anonymous 1 year ago
Hi
I need help please.
My daughter just turned 3 in 26th November. She is very bossy. She is my 1st child.
I am divorced with her father. And getting married again soon.
I am concern about het because she just listen to me. She will cry to get what she wants. If I tell her nicely she doesn't listen. I have to raise my voice or get a stick out to scare her.then she will listen. She wont behave if we go to a restaurant or in someone house.
Please help me to raise her.

Karyn Najarian 7 months ago
Get a stick out? That's terrible. No child should be threatened with a stick. I hope to god you haven't hit her with it! You might have DHS at your door soon. I have a very strong willed 3 year old as well. and she makes me insane sometimes but a stick is out of line!